You Cannot Blame the Dog for Being Rabid #grief

I have learned a lot since losing my brother last Thursday. The biggest lesson so far is:

You can't blame the dog for being rabid.

​During the dying process you keep all your emotions under lock and key. Everything needs to be peaceful, serene, quiet. No arguments--no desention. You are well-informed, you know what is happening each step of the way. You are truly a part of helping someone cross over. When this works, the dying and aftermath become the normal grief stages you've experienced before. It is hard but there is no unwanted baggage.

When you are not well-informed, when you are left guessing you want to extend life until the answers you seek are resolved. If the dying happens at the peak of your uncertainty, the rabid dog will rise up and you will do and say things that are best left unsaid. Conflicts arise and you are bitten and you shock yourself when you bite back.

​What I didn't realize is how normal this experience is. It is something most people will suffer through in their lifetime and you have to forgive yourself, and the rabid dog, so you can move on. This is not an easy process. There is interrupted sleep, crying, in shock you stop eating, and then you obsess. You wonder what you did wrong, how could you have averted the situation. But as hard and as painful as it is, it is a journey worth taking. The forgiveness and peace on the other side of the pain is nothing short of miraculous. This, of course, does not mitigate grief. That journey takes much longer.

My second lesson, as if the first wasn't hard enough, is that you can open the door but you can't force anyone through it. You can say I love you, I accept who you are, I am sorry, I was wrong. But you cannot make anyone cross the threshold back into your arms. They have to want to and sometimes they just can't. They don't know how to let go and love again. And sometimes, as much as you love them, it isn't the best thing for you.

These are life lessons I've been working on for years and it took my brother's death to bring me understanding. Jerry taught me many things, but in his dying he may have taught me the most imporant lesson of all. That love goes on even when the threshold is never crossed.

I miss you bro.
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​God bless.