Friendship
Friendship is probably the most important relationship in the world. Friendship leads to understanding, support and emotional intimacy. It can be any mixture of gender though I have two sons who swear women and men cannot be friends. I disagree. My friends and family have seen me through some pretty rough spots, and I am grateful to them. I have learned so many things just by listening to stories of love and friendship, work relationships and even employee relationships. I've often said there is nothing inherently bad in this world except people. We cause most of our own problems. I stand by that.
Over the years of marriage and family, I had forgotten the immediacy of friendship. Since I've learned how to live alone, I can pick up a phone and call or text someone. Have a problem? Call a friend and ask for advice or ask them to keep you in reality and not some hopeless boondoggle you've dreamed up in your mind. Friendship is priceless. It keeps you sane.
What do you do when friendship turns to something more?
I have no idea. I mean I absolutely do not know. I've seen it happen more than once and it is a gray area no one knows how to handle. I decided to turn to Google thinking that perhaps the all-knowing-one would have fresh ideas on how to approach the subject with your one-time friend that has turned into something more.
Nope.
There are as many articles as ideas.
There seems to be a consensus that one person might feel something more while the other person feels nothing except friendship. If the person who feels something more approaches the nothing but friendship person and declares his/her (insert pronoun of your choice) the something more person risks everything including their dignity and a possible jolt of old-fashioned humiliation while the nothing but friendship person (who is now running in the opposite direction) risks nothing.
When asked for advice, I had none. In fact, I immediately sensed a childhood outpouring of fear, anxiety and panic. I have one friend who told me point blank that when she was friends with someone she had grown to like, she just asked him if he'd ever thought of kissing her. I laughed so hard I forgot to ask her what the outcome was. I so admire her frankness. Another friend stalked her one-time friend when he told her he only wanted to be friends. He literally called her a stalker. Yikes. Others have just said, oh, well then, we'll just be friends and they moved on with life--together--eventually getting married. Others have gone for no contact. I thought that was pretty extreme, but I get why that might be preferable.
I have spent the last four days thinking about this which is way too much time to ponder a situation when there are other things that need to be addressed. Like Thanksgiving and stuffing. Still, it intrigues me. How do you approach such a subject? Or do you leave it like the proverbial elephant in the room? Do you risk your sense of self and blurt it out or cower in the dark like a child? Since I am not the bravest person in the world, I see myself squished between the toilet and vanity with the bathroom door locked, afraid and terrorized because life threw me a curve ball I was not expecting. Hiding in the bathroom makes me feel safe. As long as my eyes are closed. Seriously, I have no experience in stuff like that. None. Nada. Zip. In my world there is the unknowable and the only way for the unknowable to become known is to risk everything, including self. I do not go there.
I get most people are not like me and probably view human relationships as not so terrifying. Still, when contemplating a new thought, my old thoughts quickly take over so any advice I had was tainted by my own experience. Most people I've talked with have faced this issue more than once in their life. I can imagine it, but not my response to it because it is unknowable. The majority of people I have spoken with wish they had never broached the subject with their something more friend. I am still in limbo. I haven't a clue as to what the right thing is to do in this situation.
I really want to write a romance someday so please, share your thoughts with me either on FB or here or Twitter. I really am interested in how best to approach this subject. It is always best to be prepared. You never know, someday it may happen to you.
I would also like to add that I am inspired and comforted to know that the over sixty crowd still believes in love and romance. Life does go on. Even if it sometimes gets mired in the mud.
Namaste
Friendship is probably the most important relationship in the world. Friendship leads to understanding, support and emotional intimacy. It can be any mixture of gender though I have two sons who swear women and men cannot be friends. I disagree. My friends and family have seen me through some pretty rough spots, and I am grateful to them. I have learned so many things just by listening to stories of love and friendship, work relationships and even employee relationships. I've often said there is nothing inherently bad in this world except people. We cause most of our own problems. I stand by that.
Over the years of marriage and family, I had forgotten the immediacy of friendship. Since I've learned how to live alone, I can pick up a phone and call or text someone. Have a problem? Call a friend and ask for advice or ask them to keep you in reality and not some hopeless boondoggle you've dreamed up in your mind. Friendship is priceless. It keeps you sane.
What do you do when friendship turns to something more?
I have no idea. I mean I absolutely do not know. I've seen it happen more than once and it is a gray area no one knows how to handle. I decided to turn to Google thinking that perhaps the all-knowing-one would have fresh ideas on how to approach the subject with your one-time friend that has turned into something more.
Nope.
There are as many articles as ideas.
There seems to be a consensus that one person might feel something more while the other person feels nothing except friendship. If the person who feels something more approaches the nothing but friendship person and declares his/her (insert pronoun of your choice) the something more person risks everything including their dignity and a possible jolt of old-fashioned humiliation while the nothing but friendship person (who is now running in the opposite direction) risks nothing.
When asked for advice, I had none. In fact, I immediately sensed a childhood outpouring of fear, anxiety and panic. I have one friend who told me point blank that when she was friends with someone she had grown to like, she just asked him if he'd ever thought of kissing her. I laughed so hard I forgot to ask her what the outcome was. I so admire her frankness. Another friend stalked her one-time friend when he told her he only wanted to be friends. He literally called her a stalker. Yikes. Others have just said, oh, well then, we'll just be friends and they moved on with life--together--eventually getting married. Others have gone for no contact. I thought that was pretty extreme, but I get why that might be preferable.
I have spent the last four days thinking about this which is way too much time to ponder a situation when there are other things that need to be addressed. Like Thanksgiving and stuffing. Still, it intrigues me. How do you approach such a subject? Or do you leave it like the proverbial elephant in the room? Do you risk your sense of self and blurt it out or cower in the dark like a child? Since I am not the bravest person in the world, I see myself squished between the toilet and vanity with the bathroom door locked, afraid and terrorized because life threw me a curve ball I was not expecting. Hiding in the bathroom makes me feel safe. As long as my eyes are closed. Seriously, I have no experience in stuff like that. None. Nada. Zip. In my world there is the unknowable and the only way for the unknowable to become known is to risk everything, including self. I do not go there.
I get most people are not like me and probably view human relationships as not so terrifying. Still, when contemplating a new thought, my old thoughts quickly take over so any advice I had was tainted by my own experience. Most people I've talked with have faced this issue more than once in their life. I can imagine it, but not my response to it because it is unknowable. The majority of people I have spoken with wish they had never broached the subject with their something more friend. I am still in limbo. I haven't a clue as to what the right thing is to do in this situation.
I really want to write a romance someday so please, share your thoughts with me either on FB or here or Twitter. I really am interested in how best to approach this subject. It is always best to be prepared. You never know, someday it may happen to you.
I would also like to add that I am inspired and comforted to know that the over sixty crowd still believes in love and romance. Life does go on. Even if it sometimes gets mired in the mud.
Namaste