We had a wonderful life! #cancer #grief

It has been five months today since Dennis died. The holidays were much harder than I thought, even though I thought they were going to be hard. Until you live it you can't possibly understand. Such a depth of grief I wouldn't have thought possible. 

I started out to write about the grief experience. Now I understand why there are so few resources for grieving people. It is because each person's experience is different. Most of it depends on how close you are to the person you have lost. 

Having had out of the body experiences since I was quite young, has taught me that the soul does live outside the body. My family has different spiritual gifts that most people deny exist. For those that have never had them, it would be hard to imagine. To those that have had them, it brings great comfort. But not at first. 

Nothing could get through to me after Dennis died. My grief was so heavy I wore it like a cloak. I couldn't see anything but grief, didn't live anything but grief. About two weeks ago, Dennis started dropping in to check on me. I can count five times now that he has come at night. He crawls into bed with me and goes to sleep. I wake up and watch him sleep. He smells the same, looks the same, is the same. He is looking for comfort as much as I am. 

When two people love each other so much, it makes it difficult to be apart from one another. We had our ups and downs, some major ups and downs, even separated for a time. It didn't matter though, we always came back together. We needed each other to be whole.

My grief is tempered now by his nearness. I can feel him, even see him and I am comforted. 
I would not wish this experience on anyone. Except we shall all go through it, if we haven't already. It is the nature of the planet, the dimension we live in. Loss is the greatest teacher of all.

I read that you have to keep your heart open in order to hear your loved ones. My  infusion nurses have taught me so much. They reopened my eyes to an existence beyond this one, one I had forgotten. I thank God for them. They are truly angels of mercy. 

Trying to figure this out takes a lot out of a person. I miss the laughter, the fun, the boat rides, the trips, all of us together. I am very fortunate to have had Dennis with me for so long. I take comfort that God is with me through the rest of this earthly journey I must walk alone.  

God Bless 

Louann