Our Strange Inheritance @petparents @fortheloveofdogs #strangeinheritance

Bella, who just four weeks ago was shredding bears with her BFF (besides Aggie) Shadow, has taken a turn for the worse after her cancer surgery. She has developed a condition called non-regenerative anemia which means her bone marrow is not making any red blood cells. We took her to a specialty clinic where they gave her a blood transfusion day before yesterday, but  we discovered after we brought her home that she is eating very little and then only when she is hand fed. 

Tomorrow she will have a blood test to see if her bone marrow is picking up the slack after the transfusion. If it isn't, we have decided that Bella has been through enough. 

Of course, miracles do happen and if they are going to happen, Bella would be the perfect candidate. She has suffered so much with her glaucoma and losing one eyes. She deserves some time in the sun, a leaping happy walk with her tail wagging, running with the grandkids, barking happily and talking up a storm. Unfortunately, this body will not allow Bella to do that anymore.  

Bella is not in pain, just very tired.  She spends most of her time on her pillow in our bedroom. Aggie and I kept her company on the floor last night and Bella kept her head against my shoulder as if she were comforting me. I considered her complete and utter acceptance of this little black and white Fox Terrier, Aggie, that follows her everywhere and circles her constantly.  Bella hears for Aggie and Aggie sees for Bella. It is their mission in life.  

Bella's patience with Aggie is amazing.  Last night as Aggie, Bella and I slept on Bella's big bed, there was a sharing of love very difficult to explain. I had never had this experience before Bella and Aggie came into my life. In a way, they opened my heart to another dimension of love I didn't know existed and I have been privileged to experience it with them. Their complete acceptance of each others disabilities and their willingness to help and assist each other with limitless patience is an education in itself. Very rarely do humans do that for each other without complaining. I have learned, through Bella and Aggie, that animals are truly compassionate and sentient beings and far more capable of love than we give them credit for.  

Aggie is not taking Bella's illness well. She is extremely agitated, needs to be held, or be next to Bella. She isn't her normal self, if you can call Aggie normal. She is constantly sniffing Bella, poking her with that long Fox Terrier nose as if trying to get a rise out of her. And then, she settles down next to her BFFF and stares at her with those deep black eyes. We are a pack in mourning and the only way to express it to one another is through a sharing of feelings which is very real. 

We have had some great times. 

We've walked the Yuba river, swam in the lake, visited Tahoe, the Bay Area, Death Valley, and numerous dry lake beds looking for rocks. We had a tripped planned for Mount Shasta next weekend. I had already booked the reservations and mapped out the walking trails we'd use. While the motel/hotel wasn't 5 star, they did accept dogs.

I cancelled the reservations this morning. 

I just don't know what my husband will do without Bella in his life. His job was to make sure her eye drops were in every few hours. Sometimes there were as many as six a day and never less than four and that did not count the visits back and fourth to her eye specialist in Rocklyn.  We had just seen her over a bad eye ulcer that had formed due to a medication she was allergic to. We'd thought we were on the downhill side with the eye when the cancer developed and now we are back to square one. 

I was awake most of last night and while I was snuggling her, I gave her permission to go to the rainbow bridge if that is where she needed to be to run in the sun. Yesterday afternoon my friend, whom I know believes she is doing the right thing, once again blasted me for not putting Bella to sleep, yet. I tried to assure her that if Bella told me she was in pain I would do it in an instant, but Bella was not in pain.

"Nevertheless," she stated authoritatively. "You are cruel." 

Perhaps I am, but putting Bella to sleep must be my husband's decision. I know Bella is ready to go and I know I am ready for her to go barring a miracle, but he is not. He wants one more day. That's all. Just one more day. I think Bella and I can give him that.  

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