Life In The Fast Lane And My One-Eyed Dog

My dog Bella has taught me so much. When she had to have her eye removed I was devastated. I worried about it for weeks and then came the what ifs. What if she loses her other eye? Bella handled it much better than me. She just accepted.

An impossible task, I thought.

​This weekend my brother had a stroke. It was a bad one and there are doubts he will recover. At first, I was mad. I blamed everyone, even him. That lasted about 30 minutes, until I realized that's life. It truly is a miracle he lasted this long.

In rapid succession I cycled through the usual grief emotions. Thank God I am familiar with them so they left fairly fast. Today, I am just depressed, but the depression is lifting. I have discovered that I love my brother no matter who he is. Most people will think duh... at that statement, but I had never seen this type of stroke before. His body works fine, just not his mind.

He recognizes my face, but only for a few seconds. He soon moves on into his own private world where he laughs and smiles with people I cannot see. He is happy there. Genuinely happy and his face is relaxed and peaceful. He doesn't strain to recognize the invisibles as I call them, he is fully in the now with them and it takes tremendous effort on his part to even interact with the people in his other world, my world.

I have discovered that I don't want him to leave that world where he seems so happy, but I also respect his desire to come back here if he choses. I honestly don't know which world he will choose. Or if he even has the capacity to choose at this point.

When I was little my brother was my world. As I grew older he became my best friend. He doesn't have to tell me he loves me, I know he does. He will be moved to a rehabilitation center probably tomorrow as there is nothing else the hospial can do for him at this point. My brother cannot abide to be told what to do so he only has one shot to get it right, meaning no arguing, but he doesn't even know this is his last shot. He has to take his medication which is something he has fought since Vietnam. He refuses to take medication. And that will have to change.

​Thanks for listening.