I Can't Hear You Anymore... #loss #grief

The loss of a child is heartbreaking. Whether it is by divorce, death, or personal choice the agony takes your breath away.

Grief follows me every second of my life. Each morning I get up and walk by your picture. I see you heading out the front door that last Christmas more than two years ago.  I say, "I love you," and you answer back, "I love you, too, Grandma."

Until today.

 I went about my morning ritual and as I walked the hall I said, "I love you." It took a moment, and then with crushing intensity I realized I could no longer hear your voice. 

I hadn't planned for this. I thought I would always hear you. There is so much I want to tell you, so much I want to share. Sometimes, I talk to you in my mind, giving you lessons on life, telling funny stories and sometimes, I  imagine giving you a hug.

Now I can't share stories with you. I can't hear you anymore. Even your laughter is gone.

Gone.

All gone... with your voice.

I know I will move beyond this, because I've learned you cannot live in grief forever. But, the sudden loss of your voice is like a knife in my heart.  It will stay there for a time and a time again. But, not forever. You never forget, but you do learn how to live with the pain.