How to Survive Grief #grief #cancer #loss

There have been many days, too many to count actually, when I wonder why I am alive and my husband is gone.  I still am unable to picture a life without him, but as my wise daughter says, you are doing it everyday. 

I never knew how hard it would be to say good-bye or if good-bye would even be an option. I know that the answers I seek won't be known until the day I cross over because that is the way of things. Dennis made me feel safe. He was always there to pick me up and soothe me when life got hard. I don't have that anymore and so must find my comfort from within. I am still working on that. 

Sometimes just our hearts spoke to each other while we cuddled on the bed and watched old movies, breathed deep of chocolate chip cookies baking, and laughter, so much laughter. I miss the touch of his hands, his voice, his presence which is so alive within me that it seems impossible for him to really be gone.

I knew I loved him, but I didn't know how much. We met so young that in many ways he fathered me and I mothered him. As we grew we grew into each other and even though there were times we grew apart, we blessed the experience and grew back closer.

I miss his laugh, his smile, his sense of adventure that was identical to mine.  Long drives, sunsets, the remarkable beauty of our country that we were fortunate to experienced together. 

So many things to miss, so hard to go on.