Grief's Struggles #grief #cancer

The picture is of my son and his wife back in October. My kids decided to take me away to Tahoe on the weekend of my 50th wedding anniversary. They thought we could be just us. Just family. We laughed, smiled, got a little tipsy, well Jamie got a little drunky, but we had a wonderful time. There were tears and suffering and remembering. 

A walk with grief is hard. I've lost both parents, my brother, all of my husband's family, and my husband. I am not unfamiliar with grief, but it is a far different animal when you lose a spouse vs a sibling. It is in the quiet moments that I can feel him best. And it is only in the quiet moments that I can feel at peace. 

I discovered Disturbed's song Hold on to Memories and have been playing it compulsively to understand why this song struck me so hard. If you click the link and you are in the throes of grief, prepare yourself. 

Part of the song is making the most of your life after you've lost someone. It is important to keep them alive by holding onto memories because the world's greatest tragedy, souls who are not remembered, cannot survive. 

The song appeals to the poet in me. 

 I do find distractions like setting up an Instagram account for my dog, Professor Higgins. He has saved my life more than one time so give him a follow if you've time. You can find him here:@professor_higgins_book_reviews • Instagram photos and videos, I think.  I am still new to Instagram so your support would be so awesome. 

The problem is I always come back to reality. Today I will spend it licking my wounds and resting. I have Crohn's disease and an autonomic disorder that wipe me out on occasion and I've discovered that accepting my down days are very important to helping me recover. I have been very sick and I'm sure it's due to stress, but the one thing I have learned is that grief never goes away either, you have to learn to live with that too. 

​Louann