Facing Cancer and Loving Your Way Through It

While on vacation, we learned that a precious member of our family was diagnosed with cancer. I was suppose to go with her to the endoscopy but a chance vacation stepped in and I begged off. After all, it was just indigestion. We left Nevada as soon as we heard the news and the 9 hour drive back home was filled with anguish and pain and guilt. All the beauty of sunsets, wild donkeys, and whatnot faded into the background.  We didn't care about ghosts or graveyards or anything else. We just wanted to go home where we could be of help in someway, though we had no clue as to what that would be. 

I was shocked to discover I had no words to express my feelings. I hugged her and she hugged me back. We spoke of stupid things, smart things, and then more stupid things and then we hugged again. We spoke little about what was most important. The family was told and like playing telephone some things changed and some did not. What did not change was our love for each other or our love for her.  Our family is not new to family crisis'. We have lived through many of them.  We will get through this too. 

My learning curve shifted. I called everyone I knew who had cancer experience. I looked up Cancer Centers of America, called them then went and viewed the cancer clinic here in Grass Valley.  Then I discovered the Gene Upshaw Memorial Tahoe Forest Cancer Center in Truckee. They have the best docs and the newest equipment. Now all we need is a referral. Still, nothing can be done until the biopsy results are in to see if the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes. If it hasn't, we are an incredibly lucky family. If it has, we are strong enough to overcome it and we will all join in the fight to see her though.  The doc mentioned radiation and chemotherapy. I've never had radiation but I am familiar with chemo. I was able to tell her that you can get through it. That while it makes you sick, it is doable and livable but most importantly survivable. 

Her acceptance amazes me.

Already she has adjusted her sails. 

I am not there yet. I am overcome with grief and sadness and fear and I am not alone. The entire family feels it. The pit in my gut grows larger every day though she will never know it. She is not Internet savvy so she will never read this and I will never tell her how I really feel. Like my brother, I cannot imagine a world without her in it. 

Keep your family and friends close to you. Hug them often. Life is short and you never know when one setting at the kitchen table will be empty.