Crohn's Chronicles Meets the Family

It's Thursday and today is the best I've felt in years.

OK, that's a lie. I spent the entire morning spreading that lie. I'm thinking, if I think positive, positive things will happen. Of course, you have to believe in the positivity you are thinking about. When you're in a lot of pain it's hard to believe you are not in pain. But if the create your own reality people are right, I have to ignore the pain.

This is so not doable. Where's that Tramadol?

I DID feel good--almost normal--for three days last week. Then, just when I was thinking remission was possible, maybe even probable, my hopes were dashed.

*shrugs shoulders*

Life with Crohn's has its ups and downs. Hell, life has its up and downs. I know people are working on cures. There's the hookworm thing, the bone marrow transplant thing, the pro and pre-biotics thing. There's the alkaline--acidic balance, the yeast balance, the....

I could go on.

I will not eat worms and have yet to discover one single person who has been cured by eating worms. *talk to the hand* No worms!

Bone marrow sounds like the best option. 100% cure, but very very dangerous. My grandchildren won't forgive me if I leave the planet so soon. They like me. I don't know why, but they do. I like them, too. I sometimes get too involved in their lives, but they are loved. *big squeezes* And that is the most important part.

I did the caveman diet. Lost some weight. Got sick.

Whatever.

I am a positive person. Crohn's makes it difficult to stay that way. This flare is almost nine years old. The longest my other one lasted was two years. Otherwise, it was a month or two then gone for a year or so.

I am contemplating the unthinkable. Surgery.

*falls over*

Maybe the family will bring me presents. I know my husband will never leave the hospital room. I mean, I love the guy, but when I'm in hospital, he's there at 8am and doesn't leave until 10pm. Can't bear to hurt his feelings and kick him out. That's a good reason not to have surgery.

Things I wonder, but refuse to ask the doctor, because then he'll know just how bad I am:

1. Will the Crohn's arthritis go away, too?
2. With the Erthema Nodosum go away?
3. Will the ankylosing spondylitis go away?

Because if not, I might as well keep my colon. What's one more painful condition? They say  you can only feel one pain at a time.

*taps fingers*

I guess if I'm still thinking about surgery, I'm not there yet. It was the blood this morning. I got scared.

Oh, poof. Suck it up, Lucy.

Just my thoughts for today.

(((hugs)))

Louann

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