Crohn's Chronicles--A Writer's Life Interrupted

"I'm afraid you're building up antibodies."

"What?"

"We've found some patients build up antibodies to the drugs they are on."

"No way!" On top of feeling lousy, I have this to take in. Antibodies are created when your  body recognizes a foreign invader and sets out to destroy it. They effectively render the invading medication--harmless. Not what I wanted to hear.

"I think we'll change your Humira schedule to once a week instead of twice per month."


Teeerrrrriiiiffffic. I get to stick a needle in my arm, or leg, or belly, four times a month instead of two times. Thank heaven I'm not diabetic. OH WAIT, I AM. I ask,  "Does that mean double the side effects?" I am hoping not. No one wants a bizarre cancer they almost always die from.

"No."

I am somewhat reassured. "So you don't think this flare is going to go away on its own."

"Ah, no."

After some additional discussion, I agree and head home. I have developed a stricture. So far, it's not too bad.


Definition of STRICTURE

1a : an abnormal narrowing of a bodily passage; also : the narrowed part b : a constriction of the breath passage in the production of a speech sound 2 : something that closely restrains or limits : restriction <moral strictures> 3 : an adverse criticism : censure

In my case, it is not an adverse criticism. And although my husband would like to put a few restrictions on me, it isn't that either. This one is in my large intestine and it makes a bizarre POPPING noise/feeling when something fiberful goes through.

How gross is that?

You actually feel it more than hear it though there are times it is audible. It starts with a pain like a side-ache you used to get when you ran.

Me: Why oh why did I agree to write a Crohn's blog? 

Higher Self: Humility, humility, humility, Louann.  Always honor your agreements.

OK, so, that dilemma solved I shall continue.

Shortly after, you get a pushy/crampy feeling,  then...it pops through. I'm even having a few issues with bread so it may not be long before surgery. I'll know in a month or so. All this means the inflammation is not under control. Hence, more Humira. On the upside, he did say Cimzia was an option and then Remicade which is a type of infusion therapy done in the hospital every few weeks.

Now to tie all this in with being a writer. The Muse Writers Conference is coming up and I'll be teaching a class on Emotive Writing. What is that exactly? Basically, it's about writing emotively or emotionally and it isn't as easy as you think. Having taken numerous courses in psychology, there is one theory--and I would acknowledge the writer if I could remember who she/he was--that believes the worst things that have happened to you have given you your greatest gifts. So it is to your benefit to get down with the mucky stuff and roll around.

Shudder

Well, if  you wanna be a writer you gotta take some risks.

That's what this blog is. It's my way of rolling in the dirt to better understand how I feel. Once I understand the emotions, I can transfer those emotions into my characters. And that, my friend, is important.

Every single one of us has muck. No one is immune. Maybe you have felt the claw of depression, that spiky ball rolling around in your gut reminding you that you are not worthy.

Or the piercing needle of anxiety that won't allow you rest--anywhere--not even in sleep.

The agony of humiliation, the horrible cringing reflex that bursts out of you once your true self is unknowingly uncovered.

Oh my. I could go on but no one stays around to read a long blog. *grin* Suffice it to say that it is HEALTHY to get down with your good self. Look at your emotions like a big ball of pizza, yes a ball, not a pie, and it's one you threw up.

Pull out a piece of pepperoni. Eww, gross. A stringy piece of cheese. Sick!. Yet, each one means something. A physical pain, an emotional hurt. That damn ex-husband or wife. Bring it out and examine it. No matter how bad it is, it will not destroy you.

NEVER be afraid to be yourself.  You are who you were meant to be. God never makes mistakes.

(((HUGS)))

Louann

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