 Last night when the husband and I were talking, I told him that I had very little control over my life, but the one thing I did have control over was my attitude. In addition, since I've now been diagnosed and I have treatment going forward, I don't need to see my doctors as much. My life has revolved around doctor visits, their thoughts and opinions, tests and more tests, drugs and more drugs. At this point, I don't need to know how many more autoimmune diseases I might have and so, I have decided to stay the course with what I have, do what I please, and laugh when I can. After all nothing is written in stone, right? And who is to say that with the right attitude I can't turn myself around? My daughter suggested I journal. I thought about it and decided to make this blog my journal. It doesn't really matter if anyone reads it or not, because this is about my journey though anyone is welcome to join in with a comment. I hate journaling alone. Dysautonomia Today, when I woke up, I was wracked with anxiety. I grabbed my Midodrine which is used to get my blood pressure up and the Atenolol which is to get my heart rate down. I keep them by my bed because I can't get up without them. Mornings suck because generally my heart is trucking along at a nice 110 bpm and my body thinks I'm in the middle of a marathon or preparing to die. Even though I try to talk my body down, there's not much I can do to change things. While waiting for the meds to kick in, I try the Valsalva maneuver. I've used the maneuver for years to clear my sinus but it's supposed to bring down your heart rate as well. It's never worked, except for my sinus' but I am nothing if not tenacious. When the meds kick in, I am up and out of bed. I stand slowly in case my brain is in need of extra oxygen. Most of the time, standing is an issue. Hell, almost all the time standing is an issue. I HATE how I feel when I stand. There's the truth of it. I am an expert at covering how I feel from other people, but trust me, I hate standing. I get nauseous but there's a pill for that and sometimes I throw up and there's a pill for that too. I break out into a sweat and everything goes wonky until I begin to stabilize. If I am lucky, the stability will stay until I sit or lay down again. If I am unlucky, this will come and go all day whether or not I am sitting, standing or lying down. I have no clue as to why some days are better than others. I drink a TON of water and eat another TON of salt. My body doesn't process salt and there's the rub. Can't keep fluids in, can't keep blood pressure stable. If I have a Crohn's attack I am in deep shit. Gratitude I don't always succeed in conjuring up a thankful attitude , but as soon as things start to settle and I know where my body is headed for the day, I begin to count my blessings. It doesn't have to be much, but maybe something like HEY! I am still alive! Then there's  my dog and then there's  my husband, children and grandchildren. I mean seriously, is there anything better in the world?
I have always been a deeply spiritual person and I am thankful for my life. This generally starts a warm and fuzzy feeling as I count my blessings. Life is a beautiful thing. Yes there can be ugliness, but if you look closely, the beauty will outshine the bad. The most amazing thing is: I know this is true and that this truth is not a human thing, it's a God thing. Learning how to cultivate a thankful spirit is the best thing you can do for yourself and your life. It forces the dark to take a few steps back letting your spirit shine just a little more. Comments are closed.
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