Contemplating the Existence of God

After my last infusion of Remicade, I  didn't feel well for a few days. Generally, I get kind of flu-like, but for some reason this last infusion kicked my butt. As usual, when my body is sick, my mind isn't, and my mind went on a thinking rampage when I would have preferred it sleep.

One of my friends stopped by the other day and we got to talking about spirituality. I told her my thoughts, she told me hers. The conversation stalled when she asked me if I wasn't a member of Twin Cities Church here in Grass Valley. I said I was, but that due to the Remicade I keep away from large groups of people. Then she asked me if I didn't find conflict with my beliefs and the church.

I stumbled around for awhile because I couldn't find the right words to explain what I wanted her to hear. Crohn's has given me this massive acid imbalance that literally goes up my throat and burns my vocal cords. Consequently, talking has become difficult.

This is my answer to my friend who posed the question.

No. I do not find conflict.

Well, that was easy.

Actually, it is easy. You see I don't believe in religion I believe in God. And yes, Jesus is real for me too. That is where I start. However, my imagination strays far afield from my starting place. Lately, given the state of my body, I have been getting these mental perceptions that the part of me I work though, let's call it the ego, is just that, a part of me. There is another part of me that gains access to the ego through my physical body. This part of me is very healthy and it is the part of me that on occasion makes my body push its physical boundaries.

I suppose you could call this part of me the super ego through which my soul operates. As you can see I've had much time to think lately.  Then my thoughts took a different turn. Have you ever wondered if we are just characters in someones biometric computer game? It all fits you know. We come with hardware, software, and then we have an intelligence that guides us. Well, there's another thread to follow when I have time.

So, in answer to my friend's question, there is no conflict. If you read Innocent Blood you will see quotes from the Gospel of Thomas.  The one quote that gets me the most is: The kingdom of God is inside you and all around you. Split a piece of wood and I am there. Raise up a stone, and you will find me there.

My interpretation of the quote is that the Light is everywhere and in everything. It permeates the universe. It is the creator, the maker, the teacher, the programmer. Whatever is out there or in here must be far more compassionate that we are. After all, the Light says we are forgiven yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

I am so up for that.

(((hugs)))