A Writer's Life Interrupted #crohns #colitis #cronscolitis #ibd

I used to say that Crohn's does not define me. But it does under certain circumstances. Especially when I'm flaring. After losing almost fifty pounds, my doc put me on Remicade. What an awesome medication and fingers crossed, I won't develop antibodies. I am holding my own weight wise and that is a great thing to have happen. In addition, I have no pain.

During this flare, pain became my overriding concern. People with Crohn's cannot take Motrin or Advil or any anti-inflammatory medication, including aspirin. We are stuck with Tylenol. Because Tylenol doesn't treat abdominal pain many people use codeine and Tylenol.   I use Tramadol when the pain is really bad. It is not supposed to be addicting and hasn't any side effects, well, at least I don't have any side effects. Most of the time, I try and suffer through the pain. I have enough trouble and addiction to pain medication is not on my 'to do' list of recovery items to pursue.

When I say I am feeling better, what I'm really saying is I have no pain. This is a place I never thought I'd see again. I realize that could change tomorrow, but for now, for today, I haven't any pain. Last Friday I ran up to my husband, Dennis, so excited I could barely get the words out.

"I could think today!"

"Huh? He hugged me and kissed the top of my head. 

"My brain worked. I actually sat at my desk and I had no pain. And I was able to work, to figure a few things out. I was at peace. MY BODY was at peace for one whole hour!"

I was SO EXCITED. Only someone with a chronically painful disease get's what I'm saying. When you are in pain your mind continually searches for relief. You sit, you stand, you scoot onto your side then onto your other side. You pick up  your phone and play mindless games, anything, ANYTHING, to get your mind off the pain. And then, when that magical moment arrives and you have no pain, YOUR BRAIN BEGINS TO THINK AGAIN!

Damn. I never thought I would feel this way again.

Last week my youngest son and his family moved from our house to their new house. I hadn't seen him for a few days and when I did on Saturday the first thing out of his mouth, was, "You look great."

"Thanks, I feel pretty darn good."

"I thought you were just getting old. You look ten years younger! That stuff must be a miracle."

I thought that was a left handed compliment, but I let it slide.

Even my husband commented, "The pain is gone from your face."

"Huh?"

"Your face always shows the pain and it's gone."

And he's right. It is gone. While I'm not perfect, at this moment in time, I am pain free. That is the best gift anyone could ever give me.

Thank you, Remicade.

Now back to editing.

(((Hugs)))

Louann

---