A Writer's Life Disappointed #crohns #colitis #ibd

When I decided to write this blog nearly a year ago, I promised myself to be truthful. Even when it hurts. Now, I don't have to be graphic, but truthful is truthful, so here is my latest educational  journey with Crohn's disease.

The thing I worried about the most happened. Yes, it was embarrassing, but my world didn’t stop, the Earth didn’t crumble, and the universe stayed in place. I am thankful I carry extra clothes with me, thankful I read enough blogs and self-help articles that I knew what to do.

Things to have on hand for an emergency trip to the bathroom that just happens to be occupied. 

1.       A change of clothes

2.      Wet ones

3.      Loperamide

4.      A dash of acceptance

Because that’s what it takes. Acceptance. You didn’t ask for this disease. You got it by having the right genetic code and the perfect environmental trigger(s).  Maybe it was that last dose of antibiotics for an ear infection or perhaps it was triggered by that bout with salmonella. It is what it is and there’s no sense in worrying. Trust me, just have your tool kit with you and you will be fine. No one will laugh and no one will snicker behind your back. Well, maybe a little, but you’re tougher and stronger than they are.

If you follow my blog you know that about 4 months ago, I lost my temper with Western medicine and decided to start a holistic journey. I tossed the Humira, started the SCD diet (Specific Carbohydrate) and made an appointment with a medical doctor turned holistic practitioner.  After waiting months for an appointment, I finally got in to see her.

I was greeted by four dogs, beautiful animals that crowded around me, sniffing the scent of my four dogs at home. The office staff was friendly, the office itself, welcoming. The nurse took my blood pressure three times, two when  laying down, one while standing. Then I sat in a massage chair for the next 15 or so minutes before I saw the doc.

The first thing I learned was that the doc had a child with Crohn's disease. The second thing I learned was that parasites are more active under a full moon, and the third thing I learned was that holistic medicine is only for the rich. Seriously, I was lucky to get out of there with a bill under 500.00. That bought me an hour and one half with the doc, a bottle of vitamins, and a bottle of fungus. The paperwork I received specifically stated that holistic medicine was expensive and asked whether or not I had friends and relatives that could help support me in my journey to wellness.

Well, while I do have family and friends, I'm not asking them for money. After a lengthy discussion, she gave me a  list of other herbs that could be bought at the Wellness Center and which, I am sure, are just as expensive as the ones in my hand. Then they scheduled me for another visit in 5 weeks. Of course, she did want to do Chiren 3-4 times per week which is an electrical current they run through your body to open up your meridian lines. I looked up the cost and the average is about 175.00 a visit. No way can I afford it.

Actually, I can't afford any of it and I certainly couldn't afford the hundreds of dollars I gave her yesterday. Especially at Christmas. And since they don't accept insurance, well, I can't accept them which is a huge disappointment.  Worth a few tears, but again, that word rears its head. Acceptance. And I have to wonder, do parasites actually get livelier during a full moon?

I guess I held out hope that my illness could be cured by herbal means. I mean, I'm really trying, eating the right foods, reading everything I can get my hands on and the people I talked to just raved about her.  They just didn't tell me the cost. I can't tell you the depth of disappointment I feel. I will visit the Wellness Center and if they are not too expensive, add those herbs to my arsenal of tools. But that is it. I didn't even ask what a return office visit would cost.

I am sure this is a walk many people with chronic illness' take. You can't find a cure in Western medicine so you search for a cure the natural way. What I have to do is accept that there is no cure. The doc even said we could work to alleviate symptoms, but never once was the word 'cured' used.

Because there is no cure---yet

There are new ideas floating around. About how antibiotics might be the environmental trigger or processed foods. Then there is the MAP study where they think people with Crohn's disease have an infectious agent in their body their immune system is battling with. But that's all they are. Theories, suppositions, provocateurs of hope.

And that is where I shall end it for today. I will lick my wounds and once again hope will rise, as it is my nature.

(((hugs)))

Louann

---