 Monday cannot come soon enough for my Remicade treatment. Having two books debut just a few weeks apart comes at a cost. Not that I would change it, because I wouldn't. Some have asked, how does Crohn's affect your working life? Well, I rarely sleep through the night and even when I do, I always have a memory of waking up and looking at my bedside clock. I suppose that comes from years of having been woken up in the middle of the night with some crisis or another. Owning a company with the need of round the clock service comes with great hardship and believe me, the money doesn't matter. The wisest choice I ever made was to sell the place and move to the foothills. I'm a little bit sorry for the physicians I left behind, but I wasn't comfortable talking about my issues even working in the medical field. I loved my employees more than anything, but the stress was killing me. On top of that, there was, and is, a stigma associate with Crohn's disease. I didn't even start talking about it until a few years ago. I usually told people I had irritable bowel or Fibromyalgia. Then, when I came face to face with my mortality, I decided it was time to open my mouth and start talking about a disease no one wants to hear about. Except those of us that have it and all of us want nothing more than a cure. No one likes sticking chemo into their body every six weeks, knowing we will have to do this for the rest of our life. So how does Crohn's affect my life? 1. Exhaustion. Even on Remicade I am tired most of the time. And for four days after treatment I feel like I have the flu. A really bad flu. 2. My eyes get really dry and it hurts to blink. 3. I have good days where I don't need the rest room at all and other days, well we'll just not talk about it, okay? 4. I get emotional. My brain is still the same, it thinks the same thoughts, wants to do the things I did years ago and no matter how much time passes, the me inside wants to get the outside moving. Sometimes, many times I do too much and have to pay the price. 5. There are times I cannot eat at all. Especially after I'm feeling good, eat what I want, then get hit with a sledgehammer to the stomach. Then it's three days off food, three days bland food, and then I start to feel good and the circle starts over again. I always try to stop the 'whirlpool' which is what I call it, but trust me, when the beast wishes to be fed, it is a must. 6. I am unreliable. And that hurts the most. I can make plans and cancel them later the same day. I feel bad for my family, husband, and friends. 7. I am limited in how much I can exercise without complete exhaustion. Some of that is, I'm sure, from an under active thyroid, but managing a thyroid is another issue altogether. I don't want you to think I'm not grateful because I am. I am glad I am alive. I am grateful for my family and my friends. Having Crohn's has taught me many things like: 1. Patience with those in pain 2. Appreciation for life itself. 3. Contentment when my body is pain free. 4. Empathy for others in a way I'd never thought possible. When you have a deep and abiding pain, one you know you have to live with forever, and one that is present most days, you develop a profound connection with other people in pain. This is the only way one can truly know someone else's pain. Lastly, go check out my latest novel, Innocent Blood. It's only 3.99 and way worth your time and money.  Comments are closed.
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