My new normal is living with my husband who now has stage 4 cancer being quarantined in my house for about 7 weeks, with the week before that being quarantined for 8 days at my son's house. My doctors are sure I had Covid-19 and want me to take the antibody test as soon as one becomes available. I can tell you this, living with pneumonia, not having my husband around, and being scared to death that I won't be able to take care of him has taken its toll.
I have some pretty severe anxiety that usually wakes me up in the morning. Depression too, but that seems to lift during the day. I have discovered that getting involved in something for someone else really lifts my spirits. I have completely redone the inside of my house just by moving stuff around. That makes me feel better too, though I have no idea why. One of my guest rooms is now filled with rugs, lamps, and junk I decided I no longer need. But since our transfer station is now limiting traffic, I have no idea what to do with it since we can't have garage sales until September, if then.
I have never been a rule follower so following these rules has been SO HARD. Both my husband and I are immune compromised so we are truly stuck in the house. Except, last night my son found a half gallon of ice cream he knew no one had bought for us. I can't lie so I admitted to sneaking out for chocolate peanut butter swirl. It is my weakness since I can no longer eat cookies.
The day my doctor found my husband's cancer, all hell broke loose in my mouth. Giant ulcers, swollen tongue, and the entire inside of my mouth burned like someone had poured acid into it. It has been weeks now and I'm still swishing steroids. The ulcers are better, but every time I hit a hiccup in my husband's health it starts all over again. Totally stress related, but there is nothing I can do to stop it. Even meditation and prayer aren't working. I suppose it will go away when the indecision surrounding my husband has been made or I get used to life like this.
He has a CT scan due the end of May that should tell the story. We spend a lot of time in fear and anxiety. I have only asked two things of God. One that the husband is able to eat and the other that he is pain free. The other day his pain was totally out of control. I admit to panicking because this is all new to me and by God I will move heaven and earth to get him relief. The morphine has helped and his pain is much better managed which brings us both peace. Thank you #Facebook friends.
The husband finished his chemo and radiation 7 weeks ago and we will find out how well it worked come the end of May. The treatments were done for palliative care, not for cure. I get that, but hey, miracles happen. If a miracle hasn't happened, we have UC Davis on standby for cancer trials, but we need to have his red blood cells and platelets up. Right now, his platelets are 69,000 but his red blood cells stay at 7.9 to 8 no matter what we do.
This is where I ask for prayer. Because the husband needs as many prayers as he can get. Lots and lots of them, please. Even if you're just a bot stopping by, a quick prayer would be of assistance.
You see, we met when I was 14 and he was 16. We married at 15 and 17. Our oldest child attended our wedding. We were true children of the 60s, but it's been 50 years now and I cannot imagine life without him. Really, I can't.
I have some pretty severe anxiety that usually wakes me up in the morning. Depression too, but that seems to lift during the day. I have discovered that getting involved in something for someone else really lifts my spirits. I have completely redone the inside of my house just by moving stuff around. That makes me feel better too, though I have no idea why. One of my guest rooms is now filled with rugs, lamps, and junk I decided I no longer need. But since our transfer station is now limiting traffic, I have no idea what to do with it since we can't have garage sales until September, if then.
I have never been a rule follower so following these rules has been SO HARD. Both my husband and I are immune compromised so we are truly stuck in the house. Except, last night my son found a half gallon of ice cream he knew no one had bought for us. I can't lie so I admitted to sneaking out for chocolate peanut butter swirl. It is my weakness since I can no longer eat cookies.
The day my doctor found my husband's cancer, all hell broke loose in my mouth. Giant ulcers, swollen tongue, and the entire inside of my mouth burned like someone had poured acid into it. It has been weeks now and I'm still swishing steroids. The ulcers are better, but every time I hit a hiccup in my husband's health it starts all over again. Totally stress related, but there is nothing I can do to stop it. Even meditation and prayer aren't working. I suppose it will go away when the indecision surrounding my husband has been made or I get used to life like this.
He has a CT scan due the end of May that should tell the story. We spend a lot of time in fear and anxiety. I have only asked two things of God. One that the husband is able to eat and the other that he is pain free. The other day his pain was totally out of control. I admit to panicking because this is all new to me and by God I will move heaven and earth to get him relief. The morphine has helped and his pain is much better managed which brings us both peace. Thank you #Facebook friends.
The husband finished his chemo and radiation 7 weeks ago and we will find out how well it worked come the end of May. The treatments were done for palliative care, not for cure. I get that, but hey, miracles happen. If a miracle hasn't happened, we have UC Davis on standby for cancer trials, but we need to have his red blood cells and platelets up. Right now, his platelets are 69,000 but his red blood cells stay at 7.9 to 8 no matter what we do.
This is where I ask for prayer. Because the husband needs as many prayers as he can get. Lots and lots of them, please. Even if you're just a bot stopping by, a quick prayer would be of assistance.
You see, we met when I was 14 and he was 16. We married at 15 and 17. Our oldest child attended our wedding. We were true children of the 60s, but it's been 50 years now and I cannot imagine life without him. Really, I can't.