I could have had a really bad day today.
Instead, I just walked outside and helped a lady from her car. I smiled brightly and it was at that moment I knew I wanted to write this blog. Under normal circumstances, today should have been a horrible day. A day full of embarrassment coupled by humiliation. A day when any normal person would want to crawl under a rock.
What happened you ask?
I have Crohn's disease which is a disease of the digestive system. It is a very difficult disease to have as it attacks the areas of your body most people don't like to discuss. I always carry a change of clothing with me, BUT I received a new purse for my birthday. When I loaded all my important stuff into it like my wallet and keys and lipstick, I forgot a change of clothing AND it couldn't have come at a worse time.
I am having a Crohn's flare. My doc put me on Rowasa which is a liquid steroid that is so not working. I am almost done with it and so far no change. My new purse doesn't have an extra pocket so I was going to put my clothing into my tote bag, but I've been working on editing Gemini Rising and didn't take the time to do it because the normal space was filled with my computer.
Begin last night.
Sick. Cramps. Horrible pain. Curled on the floor in the fetal position. Hugged a pillow, paced, threw-up, had thin stool smaller than pencil size. I finally took a pain pill and a muscle relaxer and rocked myself to sleep. This morning: Cramping, blood, nausea, more blood. The only thing I was concerned about was pain INSTEAD of worrying about what might happen if the worst happened.
The worst happened. If I hadn't been in so much pain I would have figured out I had a blockage. Seriously, I've had this disease for how long? And today. At work. It let loose. AND it went everywhere. Utter humiliation. For the unthinkable to happen in such a profound way sent me into shock. I locked myself in the bathroom, tore off my clothes, bagged what I could for the garbage, cleaned myself, washed my pants in the bathroom sick, cleaned off my shoes and then my shirt.
Yes. It was that bad.
I pulled on my soaking wet pants after squeezing them out as best I could. I stopped myself from crying and put on a happy face. I made a joke to which my co-worker said, "Ah, hey. It's not your fault." At which point I almost lost it. I put on another smile then ran for my cubby. I called my husband, told him what happened and he brought me new clothes. When I go home the first place I will visit is my bathtub.
I could of completely lost it, demanded to go home and change even though I live a good half hour away and was out of the office all day yesterday, except that I knew I did a great job at bathing in the bathroom. I also know that this is a part of my life and it was my fault I wasn't prepared.
My husband knew exactly what to bring me and never complained an iota. Neither did my co-worker. By noon, I was feeling pretty blessed at having these people in my life. So, today I learned you can take a frown and turn it upside down even in the worst situation. However, once is entirely enough. This will not happen again.
Instead, I just walked outside and helped a lady from her car. I smiled brightly and it was at that moment I knew I wanted to write this blog. Under normal circumstances, today should have been a horrible day. A day full of embarrassment coupled by humiliation. A day when any normal person would want to crawl under a rock.
What happened you ask?
I have Crohn's disease which is a disease of the digestive system. It is a very difficult disease to have as it attacks the areas of your body most people don't like to discuss. I always carry a change of clothing with me, BUT I received a new purse for my birthday. When I loaded all my important stuff into it like my wallet and keys and lipstick, I forgot a change of clothing AND it couldn't have come at a worse time.
I am having a Crohn's flare. My doc put me on Rowasa which is a liquid steroid that is so not working. I am almost done with it and so far no change. My new purse doesn't have an extra pocket so I was going to put my clothing into my tote bag, but I've been working on editing Gemini Rising and didn't take the time to do it because the normal space was filled with my computer.
Begin last night.
Sick. Cramps. Horrible pain. Curled on the floor in the fetal position. Hugged a pillow, paced, threw-up, had thin stool smaller than pencil size. I finally took a pain pill and a muscle relaxer and rocked myself to sleep. This morning: Cramping, blood, nausea, more blood. The only thing I was concerned about was pain INSTEAD of worrying about what might happen if the worst happened.
The worst happened. If I hadn't been in so much pain I would have figured out I had a blockage. Seriously, I've had this disease for how long? And today. At work. It let loose. AND it went everywhere. Utter humiliation. For the unthinkable to happen in such a profound way sent me into shock. I locked myself in the bathroom, tore off my clothes, bagged what I could for the garbage, cleaned myself, washed my pants in the bathroom sick, cleaned off my shoes and then my shirt.
Yes. It was that bad.
I pulled on my soaking wet pants after squeezing them out as best I could. I stopped myself from crying and put on a happy face. I made a joke to which my co-worker said, "Ah, hey. It's not your fault." At which point I almost lost it. I put on another smile then ran for my cubby. I called my husband, told him what happened and he brought me new clothes. When I go home the first place I will visit is my bathtub.
I could of completely lost it, demanded to go home and change even though I live a good half hour away and was out of the office all day yesterday, except that I knew I did a great job at bathing in the bathroom. I also know that this is a part of my life and it was my fault I wasn't prepared.
My husband knew exactly what to bring me and never complained an iota. Neither did my co-worker. By noon, I was feeling pretty blessed at having these people in my life. So, today I learned you can take a frown and turn it upside down even in the worst situation. However, once is entirely enough. This will not happen again.
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