Toxic or Narcissists People Prey on the Empathetic or the Suffering #toxicpeople #narcissists

Narcissistic and toxic individuals exhibit behaviors and traits that negatively affect others around them. I've met a few, but what I didn't understand was how they affected me. I had to learn how my body signals warnings, so I didn't get stuck in a relationship that does more harm than good. I have toe-tapped several and, fortunately, pulled back at the appropriate moment. 

I did some intensive education on the way these people work the way they do, but one thing is clear, they target hurt and suffering people. Someday I'm will turn blogging my journey into a book. I have met many widows and widowers who have no clue how to navigate this new world. If you are hurt, suffering, or grieving, beware. I have begun relying on myself and my gut intuition to tell me when someone is a danger. Understanding their characteristics and behaviors helped me to recognize and manage interactions effectively. Here are some things I have learned: 

Narcissistic Traits

Narcissism exists on a spectrum so not all of them are persona non grata. Some characteristics are acceptable some are not. Only the person reading this can make the call for their life. 

1. Charm: These people are CHARMING. They can suck you into their web so fast you hardly know it. 75% are men and 25% are female so statistics say. They know what to say, how to say it, how to make you feel you are the greatest person on the planet. Until they don't. And if you don't know what is going on, that can hurt.  They also have no conscience. They do not feel about people the way I do. When they hurt me, they truly did not care. 
2. Grandiosity: An inflated sense of self-importance and superiority over others. I also call it arrogance. I imagine someone standing on a hill with their arms crossed and their nose in the air. If I can see the person doing that, I move on. 
3. Lack of Empathy: Difficulty understanding or valuing others’ feelings and needs. One person I met told me to move on from my husband-- that one year of grieving was enough.  Oh, yeah, and this person was going to help me, yeah yeah yeah. 
4. Constant Need for Validation: Seeking admiration and approval to boost their self-esteem. This is a constant. If you stop giving it to them, they will quickly move on to someone else and someone else and someone else. 
5. Manipulativeness: They are great manipulators. If someone tries to manipulate me, I move on the first time. 
6. Entitlement: They expect special treatment and believe rules don’t apply to them. Especially my rules and my boundaries. 
7. Difficulty Handling Criticism: Reacting with anger, defensiveness, or withdrawal to perceived criticism. Nobody likes to be criticized but this is ridiculous. I'm sorry is a sentence you will never hear. 
8. Superficial Relationships: Prioritizing their image over meaningful connections. They have to be the best at everything.  They pretty much only talk about themselves. 
9. Gaslighting: This is basically telling you your reality isn't real. If someone tries to get me to doubt myself, I move on. Now I say things like: I didn't see it that way. I didn't hear it that way. Or whatever, but if the person consistently does this, I get out fast. 

Toxic People

A toxic person negatively impacts others through their attitudes, behaviors, and interactions. They might not necessarily be narcissistic but may exhibit harmful traits such as:

1. Chronic Negativity: Constantly focusing on problems, criticisms, or complaints. I am an optimistic person, so I tend to move on from chronic negativity really fast. 
2. Lack of Accountability: Refusing to take responsibility for their actions and blaming others. Narcissists do the same thing. You will never hear I'm sorry. 
3. Jealousy and Envy: Resenting others’ success or happiness and trying to bring them down. Or saying hello to someone else or even helping someone else can cause a difficult person to move straight to anger or jealousy. 
4. Passive-Aggression: Avoiding direct communication and expressing anger or discontent indirectly. Or they trash talk you to other people.
5. Drama-Seeking: Creating or escalating conflicts to draw attention or destabilize situations. They are the meddlers. I have come to believe they enjoy watching people struggle with situations they created. It provides entertainment. 

Impact on Others

These individuals cause emotional and psychological harm, including:

• Lowered self-esteem. 
• Increased anxiety or stress. These people can be terrifying when they get mad. It feels like a blast furnace hitting you straight in the face. Scary.
  
• Strained relationships.
• Feelings of confusion or self-doubt due to manipulation or gaslighting. My best indicator here is confusion. One day someone will talk to you, the next they will pretend they don't know you. It can be quite scary too. 

How to Handle Them

1. Set Boundaries: I clearly define limits to protect my emotional well-being. If they are a true narcissist boundaries won't matter but it is an easy way to get them to show their true colors. If they don't respect my boundaries they won't respect me. But truly think about boundaries before setting them. Everything and everyone will bother you occasionally. People will misspeak and that is called life. 
2. Avoid Engagement in Drama: I refuse to get drawn into unnecessary conflicts. I have become a one and done person. I don't do drama and move on as fast as possible.  
3. Be Assertive: My values are mine. And they are important to me. 
4. Limit Contact: I go into stealth mode. I disappear. No more stress or anger. Just poof! I tried arguing and apologizing, but it doesn't work. They are perfect--you are not. End of story. 
5. Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends, family, or a therapist for guidance. Hense my immersion in psychology. All my experiences have been short-lived but just being with one once can set off your guidance system that won't shut down until you move on. I have learned to listen. 
6. Practice Self-Care: Since this is my time for self-reflection, I am learning a lot about taking care of myself. I love it. 

I have met very few toxic/narcissistic people but the ones I have met, I wish I hadn't. Overall, they are great learning experiences, but it would have been nice to keep living in my bubble. However, that's called life.