A Compassionate Yet Obsessive Love Affair by Louann Carroll #freelovestory #romance #lovestory

I've loved you since that first day. You ran up to my ship, a big grin plastered on your face, saying how much you loved strong women. I wasn't sure whether that was a compliment, but I took it as one, even as my son's head popped up from the engine area and said, "Can I help you?"

My heart flipped over as you walked away, and I wondered if I'd see you again. There was a thump in my chest that let me know I was still alive. I wasn't sure if I wanted that experience again, but it didn't matter. It came, and it stuck. 

It has been years now, and I wonder if you know that you walk beside me, invisible but very much alive in my mind. I have made you my confidant. I tell you things I share with no one else. I hear you speak, I feel you move through my thoughts as if my brain is a room we both share. I have no idea if you feel the same way, but I've found it fascinating that I can have a love affair without the other person ever knowing. 

When we do meet, we talk about the weather, the seasons, anything generic and non-emotional. Yet, your laughter lives in me, your smile and happy crinkled eyes, fill my heart.  I notice everything about you. I feel you even when you are not there. 

Years have passed. I date no one. Friends ask why. I shrug. I act like I am waiting for something else. Something better. Something real. But the truth is, I am waiting for you. I am a one heart woman. Once my heart is given it cannot be taken back.  Love will live in me until death, even if I don't want it to.  

Sometimes I wish I hadn't met you. 

We never kiss. We never touch in a way that means anything. Our hands brush when we walk, and we both pull away too fast. It is fear. It is habit. It is the strange comfort of a love that never has to risk becoming real. Reality means blended families, truth, responsibility, accountability.  

People say we would make a good couple. I laugh it off. I act surprised. He says nothing. I say nothing. We keep our silence like a pact.

We grow older. Our hair changes. Our faces change. My life does not. I stay single. I stay close. I stay quiet. The world moves around me, but I remain in place. Frozen in time. 

When he passes from life, I feel the moment his mind leaves mine. It is a sudden emptiness. A door closing. A light going out. I sit down on the floor because my legs stop holding me. I don't cry, at first. I only listen to the silence where he used to be. Who will give me advice? Who will direct my feet, my heart, my mind?

When I die, I hope he feels me again. I hope he knows I loved him. I hope he knows he lived in my head for a lifetime. I hope he knows I never let anyone else in.

I may never have said a word about my feelings.

​But it was still love.

*Artwork made with AI