The Perils of Writing: A Cautionary Tale for the Bold and Reckless

You've decided to be a writer.

Welcome to my world of coffee and diet soda. My computer knows more about me than my therapist. If I had one. Self-doubt is my best friend, and the criticism that goes on in my head would likely kill the average person. 

Trust me when I say, coffee is my best friend. It gets me into the zone and holds me there. By noon, I've had enough, and by two, I'm crashing from caffeine loss, and the dark chocolate starts. It is a roller coaster ride for sure. By five, if I'm still alive, I have one last cup of joe, and then I can't sleep.  So, I write some more. 

I get up early, sometimes to be on the pickleball court by 7am.  By 8:30, I'm walking the dogs. I get back by 10:30 and do yard maintenance. Then the writing process begins. The blank page, or the editing. Story creation is fun. Blank pages and editing--not so much. This is not an easy road to walk. I exhaust myself with exercise so I can sit down without bouncing my knee up and down because of the ideas speeding through my head. 

All writers want to be brilliant. So, I open my laptop, stare at the page and HOPE to come up with the right words. And then...omg. The angels are singing. It is the most beautiful sentence I've ever written. I get up feeling glorious, go get more coffee, come back to my computer and delete it. It just wasn't perfect enough. 

I tap my head, thinking about doing research on papery lizard skin. I research it until I get the general idea of reptile decomposition. Next up? Magnetic pole reversal. Before I know it, hours have gone by, and I haven't written a single word. 

Eventually, I get deep into Reddit and discover a new way of inventing alien spacecraft. 

The draft is finished. I feel powerful, I'm sure I am the greatest writer in the world. I start a redo and find multiple errors in the first paragraph.  And this can go on for days. 

Writing is a noble pursuit, like assembling furniture from Amazon that NEVER goes well. It is painful, makes me humble, and I've learned to laugh at myself.  Remember to laugh. It heals the soul.