The last few weeks have been filled with revelations. There are so many rocky roads in the grief walk I repeatedly find myself buried in dirt up to my ears. Every day, over the last few years, I've woken up with a pit in my stomach. There were many times I didn't think life was worth living. Two weeks ago, while driving my car, I realized that the grief I felt was love with nowhere to go. You give love to your kids, your friends, your dogs and to yourself. This, however, was a love I shared with another human being that had nowhere to go. So, it sat inside of me causing tremendous pain. I also became crazy furious. I relived every angry moment we survived during our marriage. No marriage is perfect. No marriage, no partnership, comes without pain. Within that pain, forgiveness must be born and understanding if you ever hope to be whole again. Understanding is so important and through that complete forgiveness. I am so grateful to have survived the fury. When it hits it is crushing and you become vulnerable and easy prey to bad decision making. I felt out of control, and I certainly wasn't thinking straight. At one point, around 3 am a week or so ago, I found myself in the hallway, screaming at the top of my lungs. I just sat there and screamed, over and over and over again. My throat is still raw. Which is why my reactivated blog was ignored for a few weeks. I also relived the moments we could have been together and weren't. Either by his choice or mine. I wanted that time back. I wanted to scream at him even smack him. How dare he take one second away from us. How dare he yell at me, swear at me, do anything to hurt me. How dare I do anything to hurt him? I have to say, I never saw the anger coming. However, the anger part is real and very debilitating. It took everything out of me, but out of the ashes, hope was born. The anger was cathartic, transformational. It gave me back my life and supported my decision to live again. Anger is an important emotion to experience. If not the most important. I realize I know nothing of this world. There are so many things I don't know that I test the water carefully and pull back when I've overstepped. With learning comes great joy. I wake up in the morning no longer depressed. I might feel stupid, but there is even joy in stupidity. I don't have anyone setting boundaries for me. I get to set my own. I am completely independent, and I love the joy that brings me. Even when I'm stupid. Because it is my stupidity and I get to own it. I am thankful to my friends who have shown me which roads not to take. I am thankful to my kids who remind me to swing away, or gently whisper in my ear to take a time out. I am sure people find me odd and that is OK. I could have ended up in the house alone and watching TV. I could have stopped my blog and even quit writing. I am curious about life. I want to know what people think. I want to know what makes them tick. I love hearing other people's stories. I spent months searching for the perfect place to write. I discovered I love to watch the birds and listen to them sing from the swing in my backyard. Except for Blue Jays. They are prickly creatures. There is such peace in my yard and peace is a blessing. My swing is the perfect place to write. Not sure what I'll do about winter. In the beginning of my grief walk, I was a widow who showed up at a kayaking event with a canoe. I was scared, frightened and very much alone. I'm not that person anymore. I've conquered every challenge I've set for myself. Now, instead of being the lady who thinks a canoe is a kayak, I'm some lady down the street who threw one hell of a party Friday night. I even had a party crasher show up. Now that was something. Well-written haunted house, serial killer, poor heroine novel that you will love while eating cookies and milk in bed. I am a lover of all things haunted, and Darcy Coates DID NOT let me down with The Haunting of Blackwood House. Whoo hoo, Darcy! Thank you.
I love to read but I am particular about reading only what I love or what will educate me. Everything else I pretty much leave alone. It is so nice to know you have a good book waiting on your nightstand when you go to bed. It gives you something to look forward to all day. The Haunting of Blackwood House is such a book, and it is FREE on Kindle Unlimited. About the Book Mara grows up in a house where her mother is a practicing spiritualist. Even though Mara doesn't like going to seances, her mother takes her anyway. At one point, Mara is warned she is a gifted medium. Sick to death of mediums and seances, she leaves her mother's house as soon as she is old enough to do so. To Mara, spiritualism is an impossibility and believes the entire lot of mediums are charlatans. Mara rents cheap apartments and sleeps on mattresses all the while hoping she will one day be able to afford a home of her own. She is beyond thrifty with her paycheck. She lives on cheap food, wears cheaper clothing, but finally, she has enough for a down payment. Around this time, she meets Neil who is a practicing Christian who respects her practical outlook on spirituality. After losing one house to an aggressive house hunter, Mara's real estate agent, Jenny, takes Mara and Neil to see Blackwood House, home to dead serial killer, Robert Kant, whose forte is children and who managed to murder six of them before hanging himself, three boys and three girls, plus the previous owner of Blackwood House. The house is old, the roof caving in, the furniture damp and discolored as well as disordered. Mummified food is left on plates sitting on the table, crowded around each other as if needing comfort to remain as they are. Pictures hang askew, rugs are mildewed and rotten, but the house is cheap. In fact, the house is exactly what Mara has been looking for. She believes she can create something beautiful, a home where she can live and perhaps Neil can join her there someday. The house is bought, Neil has taken the liberty to stay the night, and the first evening is filled with practical impossibilities, at least in Mara's eyes. Not so much in Neil's who is starting to believe there might be something more happening in Blackwood house than meets the eye. It is then, the fun begins. About the Author Darcy is the USA Today Bestselling author of Hunted, The Haunting of Ashburn House, Craven Manor, and more than a dozen horror and suspense titles. She lives on the Central Coast of Australia with her family, cats, and a garden full of herbs and vegetables. Darcy loves forests, especially old-growth forests where the trees dwarf anyone who steps between them. Wherever she lives, she tries to have a mountain range close by. You can hear about her next book by joining her newsletter: www.darcycoates.com/subscribe If you enjoy haunted houses and mysteries, The Haunting of Blackwood House is a true winner. About the Book
Keira, an amnesiac, is running from someone but she doesn't know who it is or why they are following her. She finds herself in an abandoned caretaker's cottage at the edge of a cemetery where she hopes to discover who she is and why someone wants her dead. Frightened and alone, she begins to hear whispers coming from the cemetery and into the cottage. She sees a woman from another time and place and realizes that she is able to see what others can't. The dead. The Review I found The Whispering Dead an easy read and enjoyed the simplicity of the story with little gore or violence. Since I love haunted houses and ghost stories of almost any type, this was a great introduction to a new author. Plus, I get to read three more in the series which suits me just fine. I was able to finish in two sittings which means the book caught and held my attention. The characters were believable and sympathetic though I did have to overlook the amnesiac part because it seemed a little too pat. Overall, I give the novel a solid four starts. I enjoyed The Whispering Dead and cannot wait to read the next two books in the series. About the Author Darcy is the USA Today Bestselling author of Hunted, The Haunting of Ashburn House, Craven Manor, and more than a dozen horror and suspense titles. She lives on the Central Coast of Australia with her family, cats, and a garden full of herbs and vegetables. Darcy loves forests, especially old-growth forests where the trees dwarf anyone who steps between them. Wherever she lives, she tries to have a mountain range close by. |
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